I've realized that the only thing in life that is worth living for is yourself. No one and nothing can make you do something, it's all up to you. Up till now I've always questioned whether or not I did things out of necessity or college or my parents. But you know what? If I have done things for reasons other than myself, then I've been wasting my life away. I've always thought that I needed to beat someone else or do better than a given benchmark but the only person I need to overcome or to beat is myself. Then can I finally feel the satisfaction of a victory.
It's all about my own mentality. Of course it's not easy just to shrug it off and get on with life, but I have to at least try, right? If I can find the motivation and the strength to not give into my laziness and anger, then I have become the own master of my life. All of it is a mental game.
People think that I'm some competitive nerd who gives a damn about my GPA and class rank which at one point in my life did matter. But now, I've found that all of that means nothing. Education without enlightenment is submission into authority powers of a capitalistic society that wants to perpetuate the division between the elite and the norm. I don't take classes to bump my GPA, I take classes that will force me to stretch myself, to challenge myself so that I can become satisfied with the fact that I am working towards being a more knowledgeable individual. Education is the only way to break the bonds of ignorance and negligible existence.
I play violin because being able to play in the midst of a talented group of musicians in an orchestra is one of the most amazing and exhilarating feelings that you will have. Playing a dynamic piece at a concert, holding the audiences attention till the last chord declares itself... it's a feeling that you can't begin to describe with words.
I do debate in order to expand my views upon the issues of the world and in order to become a more open-minded individual who learns the skills and gains the wisdom to come to some understanding regarding the world and humanity. Science and math are all part of this greater endeavor towards becoming a better human being with a mind.
I finally realize what I've been doing wrong all along.
