Master Harold

I realize that there was a reason why the play "Master Harold ... and the boys" had such a profound impact on me. It's not just the fact that it addressed discrimination in such a powerful manner; it's that I felt an odd connection to Hally. I know that he is the juvenile, disappointing character of the play but I feel as if the struggles that he goes through as an individual mirror mine. The idea of oscillating between hope and despair for this world, I understand that concept intimately. The fact that Hally has these moments of clarity in which be sees the world only to revert back to bus superficial and juvenile self ... I find myself in the position all the time. 

I want so badly to be able to come to a certain realization about my life and existence to to be able to act accordingly in an enlightened fashion. I want to live a life that does not forget the things I come to know. But I've too often forgotten the things I find to be true about this world. So I lose my place and have to be reminded again of these thoughts. A pitiful cycle of remission into the cancer of my existence. Why can't I be the person I want to be? Why am I so incapable of controlling my own mind and thoughts? Why does my existence scare me?