Guilt

Experts say that guilt is the most useless of all human emotions. And a large part of me wants to believe that this is true. I keep finding myself feeling remorse for my fatalistic take on life because compared to the many individuals who live sparse existences, my life cannot possibly that horrible. Compared to the suffering of those who are ill, those who have lost much more than I have, those who's lives go unfulfilled of the most basic amenities, my own suffering seems trite. But a wise person once told me that our suffering is our own and that we have the right to feel pain and grieve for ourselves because pain is pain no matter what. But I can't surpass this feeling that I would lead a selfish existence if I let myself become so myopic in my world view. I want to diminish my own concern for my suffering because I feel obligated or guilt-tripped, you could say, into believing that I must uphold greater suffering of others first.

I had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance where we discussed if our lives are really our own. In the greater scheme of the vast universe, it seems absurd to say that our individual lives amount to any great consequence and thus what we choose to do in our allotted time on this earth is indeed our choice. But a ethical voice inside me says that our existence must amount for more and that in a way, we are all living on borrowed time. Time given to us to do some good, to propagate benevolence. I very much believe that there is no purpose of existence and given our most evident mortality, we derive our own value for our lives. That being said, this affirms the notion that our lives are our own. So why do I innately feel as if I should live my life for others, to alleviate the suffering of others before my own?