Angoisse

So my recent angoisse has proven to be a consequence of my inclination for dramatic flair. I scrutinize situations to the extent that I no longer see the variegated sunflowers on the canvas and instead see the faint depressions that every brush stroke left behind on the oil paint. I am the one guilty of forcing superfluous meaning in the words of every written world. When my shampoo bottle instructs me to rinse and repeat, is that just a grand allegory for how we forget and wash away our morbid history only to be doomed to repeat our egregious errors? But with all of that said, the point is that I tend to react violently to situations that probably wouldn't evoke the same response to a less volatile, normal human being. I am cesium coming into contact with water, while most people are more on par with lithium. So now that I have some temporal distance between the myself and The Week of Horrifically Embarrassing Insecurity, I feel at ease. Most of that comfort is probably due to the fact that things ended up working out more or less. My personal life has taken the golden brick road to happiness and being utterly twitterpated. Part of me despises myself for being so terribly human in this regard and part of me does not give a rats ass about what jaded me thinks. That Kelly Clarkson song really speaks to my soul right now. I don't comprehend how I could be so incredibly preoccupied with another human. I used to be the one that would be highly judgmental and bitingly spiteful of people who were so invested in their significant other. Now that I'm on the B-side of things, I find myself to be cliche and vomit-worthy. It's ridiculous how much I care because it's not like we are anything specific. We both copped out of deciding where to take things and its as though we were practicing being politicians given how ambiguously and tangentially we spoke about things. I'm anxious and scared of how things will play out especially with the time ticking away till the term is over and summer is officially here. It also doesn't help that I'm abroad in the fall, so that would be a composite of about seven months of not seeing each other's dumb faces. My anxiety stems from the fact that I know that I'm already invested way to much and it would take more than government money to bail me out like it did for GM. I'm too attached and it's going to be like a persistent tooth-ache to not see him. So I guess I didn't really move past my angst. I just translated it.