I don't know why I do it, but everytime I know that I have a lot of stuff I just completely shut down and get distracted. Ultimately I get nothing done. And it sucks. Then I get stressed and its a perpetual cycle of procrastination followed by frantic recuperation. I don't know if its just because I'm a masochist or if I'm just dumb, but I really don't understand why I do the things that I do.
I also seem to kid myself into thinking that I have more time than I really do. College and tests and life is coming by so fast but I can hardly keep up. I get too caught up in everything and when I hit rock bottom, I blame the world for my mistakes.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Why I'm a Bitch
So I've heard from more than a few people that I am pretty bitchy and my reputation proceeds me and I'm not that mad about. I agree I can be a major bitch. But the thing is, I don't try to be bitchy (though sometimes I do), it just happens. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, sometimes it's a deterrent, sometimes it's the only way I know how to flirt, and sometimes it's just me trying to be funny but failing. Or sometimes I'm just a bitch.
I don't mean to come off as high browed or bitchy or cocky or arrogant but it's the only way I know how to survive highschool. I really don't try to be a smarty-pants, I just get exctited sometimes when I learn things and I want to contribute. I don't try to sound pretentious, I blame debate for that. I come off really cold and conceited and I'm sorry for that to.
When I say I hate you, I mean I love you. When I say you're a jerk, I mean you're amazing. (Sometimes I actually do mean it when I say that you're a jerk though). I hope that you can all take what I say with a grain of salt.
I'm trying to be a better person. Hopefully people will notice that I'm trying.
I don't mean to come off as high browed or bitchy or cocky or arrogant but it's the only way I know how to survive highschool. I really don't try to be a smarty-pants, I just get exctited sometimes when I learn things and I want to contribute. I don't try to sound pretentious, I blame debate for that. I come off really cold and conceited and I'm sorry for that to.
When I say I hate you, I mean I love you. When I say you're a jerk, I mean you're amazing. (Sometimes I actually do mean it when I say that you're a jerk though). I hope that you can all take what I say with a grain of salt.
I'm trying to be a better person. Hopefully people will notice that I'm trying.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
The Boy Enigma
So it's been a while since I've written something. So I'll write about something that's been on my mind for a suprising amount of time (too much time for that matter). But when guys say that girls are confusing... that's a load of hypocritical bullcrap. Boys are an enigma.
Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not interested in boys and relationships etc. etc.... because I am. Truth be told. But the thing is every time I try to find out if a guy likes me or if I can be flirty, it blows up in my face. For example... I met this guy at an orchestra festival and we were pretty chill you know, just friends. But I'm getting mixed signals so I just didn't want to go there.
And I've been told more than enough times that I'm either 1) scary, 2) intimidating, or 3) just a plain old bitch, which I don't mind. Screw you guys.
Or the one time in middle school when I had the biggest crush and a certain cello-playing-individual for the longest time, only to have him find out because middle schoolers can't keep their mouths' shut. That was the first time I ever remember really liking a boy. Up till then boys were of a different species, things to be ogled not loved. Ever since then, I just feel odd all the time around boys not intentionally of course. I mean there are those few guys that are good friends of mine but beyond them its a 50/50 split. I either have to be super awkward around them or be a bitch. There's no real middleground, which is a problem.
Another small problem I have is that I happen to always pick the wrong ones. Like the ones that go off and graduate or the ones that happen to get girlfriends in the coming weeks. Or the ones that could give less of a damn and look the other way. Every single time.
Let me tell you a funny story. So I actually was in this weird period of time when I was stupid enough to tell this guy that I liked him over a Facebook message. The single most embarassing and dreadful moment of my life. I mean who does that? Anyways, obviously that lead to some hilarious situations. Such is the whole nature of my "love interests". To be honest, I'm don't regret telling him. This whole thing that the guy has to make the first move is antiquated.
The biggest issue I have is telling we're just friends or not. I tend to read into situations and end up embarrassing myself. Guys are so passive and hard to understand. It's like English class. When the author says that the "curtains were blue", it could be to convey underlying themes of depression or just to say that the curtains were freaking blue. Same thing for guys.
I'm not even going to attempt to understand something that can never be understood. I'm just going to keep doing the same stupid things until there's a guy that can deal with my shit. Enough said.
Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not interested in boys and relationships etc. etc.... because I am. Truth be told. But the thing is every time I try to find out if a guy likes me or if I can be flirty, it blows up in my face. For example... I met this guy at an orchestra festival and we were pretty chill you know, just friends. But I'm getting mixed signals so I just didn't want to go there.
And I've been told more than enough times that I'm either 1) scary, 2) intimidating, or 3) just a plain old bitch, which I don't mind. Screw you guys.
Or the one time in middle school when I had the biggest crush and a certain cello-playing-individual for the longest time, only to have him find out because middle schoolers can't keep their mouths' shut. That was the first time I ever remember really liking a boy. Up till then boys were of a different species, things to be ogled not loved. Ever since then, I just feel odd all the time around boys not intentionally of course. I mean there are those few guys that are good friends of mine but beyond them its a 50/50 split. I either have to be super awkward around them or be a bitch. There's no real middleground, which is a problem.
Another small problem I have is that I happen to always pick the wrong ones. Like the ones that go off and graduate or the ones that happen to get girlfriends in the coming weeks. Or the ones that could give less of a damn and look the other way. Every single time.
Let me tell you a funny story. So I actually was in this weird period of time when I was stupid enough to tell this guy that I liked him over a Facebook message. The single most embarassing and dreadful moment of my life. I mean who does that? Anyways, obviously that lead to some hilarious situations. Such is the whole nature of my "love interests". To be honest, I'm don't regret telling him. This whole thing that the guy has to make the first move is antiquated.
The biggest issue I have is telling we're just friends or not. I tend to read into situations and end up embarrassing myself. Guys are so passive and hard to understand. It's like English class. When the author says that the "curtains were blue", it could be to convey underlying themes of depression or just to say that the curtains were freaking blue. Same thing for guys.
I'm not even going to attempt to understand something that can never be understood. I'm just going to keep doing the same stupid things until there's a guy that can deal with my shit. Enough said.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)