So in previous years, I was really ready to take on the world. I started a whole bunch of stuff that I couldn't really manage. At one point I was balancing 3 hours of daily cancer lab research with at least an hour of violin and orchestra a day, taekwondo four times a week, and countless math and science competitions. Oh and did I mention debate tournaments every Saturday from 6:00 am to 9:00 pm. Yeah it got real. But now it's junior year, the year when everything is supposed to come together for college applications and whatnot .... and I'm just burnt out.
The drive that I had before to do all the stuff now has become a constant force that urges me to fall asleep in my history class everyday and to wait till the very last possible moment (right before class) to do the homework. And I have no idea why I'm like this.
I guess part of it is that my parent's just put so much pressure on me that nothing seems to be worth it. I just shut down.... HARD. That and the fact that nothing I do can satiate my mother seems to be the other half of the problem. I can get second place in a national competition or qualify for a pretty prestigious orchestra and she'll still be breathing down my back about how I didn't get first or how I'm not good enough to sit concert master. So I gave up. Nothing I do will be good enough, so why try was kind of the mentality that I took on.... and is the subconscious mentality that I have right now.
I really try to get excited and motivated but I just can't. I'm constantly tired... of everything and anything and of life in general.
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