I feel alone a lot of the time. Sure I have a family though my dad is MIA (well kinda) and my friends are nice to have around. But sometimes I'll just sit there listening to all of the words that drop like stones from their mouths, sometimes so dull, insignificant, and superficial.
Everytime I try to open up, I feel like I'm running on a different wavelength from everyone else. I know it's cliche but really its like being on AM when the whole world is running on FM. I'm not a recluse but just hearing about homecoming and dating and football... it just seems so surreal. There are so many things in the world that are occuring at that point. People are dying and being born, people are crying or laughing with joy, but the people around me seem to be oblivious that their lives are so superficial.
Sure I'm probably not one to judge, but I feel lost in this world. Like I know that I want to do something greater but I am just weighed down by all the torrents of judgment and ignorance.
How can you sit there and eat your pizza, laughing about SNL when there are people who fight to the death for a bread crumb and are on the opposite side of the humor surrounding global issues? I feel so useless and it reinforces the mentality that everything that I do is worthless.
I know I can't be the only one who feels like this.
I like to think that the fact that there are people out there who have it much worse off than me doesn't change the fact that I am miserable too sometimes. Don't underestimate your pain in comparison to others. Hurting is not something you chose, for yourself or anyone else in the world, so try not feel so guilty about it.
ReplyDeleteI would theorize that lots of people around us are probably aware of that overwhelming superficiality you describe, but there's only so much that can be done about it. Most people are more comfortable overlooking it. You can't avoid the meaninglessness, so just avoid getting caught up in it. Step back every once in a while and acknowledge that it doesn't matter, but that it's just the way things are. I'm not saying you have to embrace it, just tolerate it. Plus, there are those rare intellectuals out there who will partake in worthwhile conversation :)
It's an admirable quality to be able to take the difficult route and question your existence, but sometimes the answer can't change the way you subsist.
Thanks Lily,
DeleteI guess my outlook on things haven't been great. I have a feeling that things are going to be different this year. Just watch.