So I feel like I'm at this intersection of my life where I can continue to live and act as I already do or change myself. Do a 180 and become a better, more conscious individual. I was so extremely negative and cynical and jaded like I've already lived enough to know all there was to know. And that was so wrong. The world I lived in, the world I know is so limited. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to branch out and see the world when I'm still stuck here. In high school which will shortly be followed by obligations that tie me to college. How am I supposed to see new horizons and gain new perspective when I can't see and experience things for myself? And I think I found the answer actually. Reading. It has just been so enlightening to read everything good and bad, just absorbing things. Gleaning information and thoughts and ideas.
I realized that "No, I can't do everything that I want to. I can't be someone else." But what I can do is use education and enlightenment as a catalyst for opening my eyes.
You know what the hardest part of trying to get rid of anger and frustration is? It's being able to stop your immediate emotional reaction to something and work through it logically. There is this one infernal individual in one of my classes and he just drives me completely insane because of the things that he says. I could literally feel anger bubbling inside my veins. But I realized that if I tried to adopt his perspective, that in his mind (which was a scary place to be), he is also completely justified. This background, experiences, and life have all lead him to act and speak as he does. And from that moment on, all the anger was gone. My resolution to become a better person is working. I wonder why I didn't try before.
I realized from all the things I've been hearing from people that a lot of people I know are at the same place in life where I am. Where we don't know what we want in life and we have no idea where our lives are going. I used to think that I was so different and separate from everyone else but there's a commonality between all of our lives that we inevitably reached. I feel this sense of connection and kinship and fraternity ( in the loosest sense). I would like to say that I'm more optimistic about life and the future. Things are definitely looking up and I hope that none of us loses faith. We all have the capacity and the capability to change our lives for the better.
I'm at an intersection and there are millions of possibilities out there. I just have to choose.
So many of the thoughts, emotions, and concepts you've written in this blog are identical to things I have thought at one point, too. It's like reading back through an old journal with some of the details changed. You express yourself so well, and I just wanted to thank you for putting your thoughts into words - because you're definitely not the only one who thinks them.
ReplyDeleteThat's sort of what you were talking about in this post - how we're not as separate from everyone else as we believe. It's comforting and sort of exciting to remember that we are not alone.
And this is Sierra Jubin, by the way. :)